Ka-Boom!

2020 in Egypt 

New Year's happened and went. Life was normal,  still single and going back and forth from home to school (work). Enjoying cafes and hanging out with friends.  Never thinking about how our world was about to change drastically in a few months. 

Ka-Boom!  The world was hit by a pandemic. A horrible virus hit globally, causing horrible sickness in the lungs. You could catch it from anyone. Life was never the same again. Everywhere, countries did not know how to prevent their people from getting affected, so the world stopped.

In Egypt the pandemic hit officially in mid-March. All schools closed, lockdowns and curfews begun. And the start of online education. As an international teacher, we were happy at first to be home and rest. Then the struggle of online teaching hit hard. Keeping students focused via internet was extremely difficult to say the least.

My world was extremely lonely,  Egypt was not completely shut down, but I stayed in and ordered everything  to be delivered. I even started online dating. I craved companionship. So within a month of Corona I bought my pug puppy, Miss Daisy. 

And had online companionship on Tinder, just corresponding with the opposite sex.

I was blessed, after 4 to 5 frogs, I met my soulmate,  my Hamid. It was a fast romance  but it felt calm and steady. I was always at ease and excited to see him. We started dating in end of May and Islamic marriage by early July. Now married for 6 months and still in marital bliss. Now, it's the end of this horrific and fabulous year...

Wish for only brightness to the darkness that so many suffered around the world this year!

Lonely Expat (Thoughts Aloud)

Sometimes I feel so alone here in Egypt especially at night or weekends. You hear your neighbors all around you laughing or yelling at their roommates (family or friends),  as you sit alone in your flat. Your only companion is your phone and a MBC2 film playing in the background (just to have some noise).

Even if you are married,  you have your Egyptian hubby but they go out frolicking around town with their many invites from friends. 

Many Egyptian husbands have jobs from afar and cannot be with their families but on the weekends.  This is when I feel most alone. I don't mind being alone most of the time. Especially, when I have a job. A teaching job, I am usually exhausted. When I get home, I just want to sleep.  So, taking care of another has no appeal whatsoever. 

However,  those days when I was a single expat, there were too many lonely times. I would have loved to come home and talk (or more like) complain about my day to my other half. I haven't had the opportunity to do that, yet. I am married now and when I worked,  I lived apart from my new husband.

I did not have the pleasure of coming home after a long day of working with screaming toddlers all day, to find an loving ear. 

My new husband is always good about listening to my woes but its from afar on video chat. You know its a big difference; video chat verses receiving a physical connection. So, I am lonely sometimes, even as a married expat,  in this great big city of 40 Million. Missing my friends of 2 years from a city by the sea.

Koshari

The staple of Egyptian cuisine.  Easy to make and available everywhere. Its piled high of elbow macaroni, lentils, chickpeas (hummus as the Egyptians call them), fried onions, pouring over tomatoe sauce (salsa as Egyptians call it), and splashing garlic vinegar for its last touch.

Koshary originated from India. Egypt adapted it from rice to macaroni noodles, but everything else is the same as the koshary in India. It originated in Egypt back in the mid-19th century. 

Koshari fills the belly in one bowl serving. You will not feel anymore hunger and if you do have a pocket of space in your stomach El Kodwa restaurant, they offer wonderful desserts.

El Kodwa restaurant has kind and quick service.  Before the main dish of koshari arrives to your table,  all the condiments are placed in front of you. Freshly baked pita chips, pickles,  tomato salad,  extra fried onions, and extra chickpeas. 

This small in hole El Kodwa restaurant is located in Al Dokki area. I have had many different koshari meals, but by far this is my favourite place to get the famous taste of Egypt. 

3 Dating Expectations in Egypt

Dating in Egypt brought up alot of feelings of good and bad from our blog audience. Some think there is no such thing as dating and others feel it does exist.

I know it exists because thats how I found my wonderful husband. I had to go through 2 years of frogs until I found my Egyptian prince. Cliche I know, but true.

Let's start at the beginning. One of the reasons I was moved to Egypt was for the beautiful men. My type dark, handsome and foreign and Egyptian men were definitely that, eye candy. I fell for many at once, upon arrival. Met them mostly off of Facebook, unfortunately all weirdos. I finally resorted to dating sites, especially Tinder.

I was wary at first because Tinder dating app in the states was basically a hookup app. Okay there was a few everlasting stories but it was known as a online meat market. So seeing that Tinder dating existed in Egypt, I was not too sure. So, I swiped left or right mostly for entertainment.  

Then I met Abdelmoneam.  He asked me out after the 2nd day of messaging. We met in my neighbourhood.  We had a great half day date. He was a complete gentleman.  We met a few times but nothing more because he said he didn't have time, mother had cancer. But I knew it was a nice way of saying, I'm not interested.

Second Tinder guy, Ahmed. Great guy, so funny, spoke American English but he groped me on our second date. And after our third date we went to 3rd base in my apartment. (I knew it's a big "no, no" to have an Egyptian guy in your apartment alone. If an Egyptian man is caught in an apartment with no chaperones, he can be thrown in jail.) After a month or so of dating, he ghosted me. Another dead end on dating.

There were many admirers on Tinder but once Corona hit us, it was only chatting no dates. Then I almost gave up when Hamid stepped into the limelight. We just chatted online every day during the month of Ramadan.  (Ramadan is holy month of fasting in Islam.) I took our chatting casually,  no expectations.  I was done with expectations and dating.  When Hamid asked to meet, I was like okay. Our first date, it felt so easy. Every time we met after that, him always coming to me, I felt easy and respected. He never tried to grope me or ask to come up to my apartment.  He was a complete gentleman. In all the years of dating,  I was only treated like this once from my high school sweetheart David, so it was a new experience of being courted. 

Hamid knew after the second date, I was the one, his heart. It took me a little longer. I met one of his sisters on our second date. We were talking about getting married on our third date. It went fast but I never felt rushed or that it was the wrong decision. 

I think the only thing that haunted my thoughts after getting married to Hamid. The 3 expectations an Egyptian man wants from a foreign partner: a Visa, sex or money. I had heard this over and over from foreigners who been cheated in their relationships. We had discussed these before entering wedlock, but it still haunted me. Now, it's all a distant memory.  Just settling in my new life.

Dating in Egypt Part 2

Real Talk from foreigners dating and getting hitched with Egyptians.

Tina, didn't agree with what I wrote about the Egyptian culture on dating Part 1. Here is what she said, 

Just remember that for every dramatic negative experience there are 10 positive - but people who are happily married usually don't like to share that (and it doesn't bring as much attention as drama). 

I read your first blog post and have two cents to add: you presented the Egyptian society in a very stereotypical way - as a complete antidote to the West, where dating doesn't happen and everyone stays a virgin until their arranged marriage. 

This is becoming less and less the norm, especially in urban areas. Literally every Egyptian that I've met or have in my social circle has dated, been in relationships, broken up, got engaged (sometimes multiple times), broken up, and in the end - if they wanted to - married whoever they actually fell in love with. I've never encountered an arranged marriage in Egypt (I had in Turkey, Pakistan and India though). Yes, families are involved when the relationship reaches the level of engagement, but they're oftentimes not given the veto power any more.

People are actually intimate before wedding, they explore their sexualities, preferences and their religious identities. There are feminist men, empowered women who will put any 'enlightened' Westerner to shame. Many drink and take drugs or in any other way don't fit into this idea of what a traditional Egyptian man or woman should look like. 

Just a funny little conversation my husband had with his boys last night: a girlfriend of one of them shared her experience growing up in Mexico so they were looking into statistics of violence against women there - they were shocked and then painted Mexican men as these violent animals. Couldn't believe how women are treated there. Just found it funny how many foreign women portray Egyptian men as these villians, meanwhile you had this group of perceived 'macho men' being in complete shock how men are capable of such widespread rape, killing and domestic violence. 

Egypt is a country of stark contrasts and I hope you get to learn about its many faces! It comes with many frustrations, but it's what keeps a lot of people like myself enchanted here for years as well. 

Ella said, "its complicated. "

Noren said, "it's a hot mess, absolute waste of time."

Mickey said, 

I think you know about my experience already, it mustn't always end in a mess. I had my fair share of bad dating experiences in Egypt but finally ended up with a very kind, humble and loving human being. It's been two years now which is not a very long time to be sure but I'm happy like at day one :D I guess you're searching for couples with a longer relationship span since that'll be more credible. 

To be sure, Egyptians have their very own quirks (like, why are there always so many socks in their shoes? Baaaah) :D and you just gotta learn to live with it.

Many of them have an attitude and POV though that women should not accept so I can understand and relate to the many negative experiences. 

Jo's experience of dating in Egypt,  

Hm.. My experience with possible partner from egypt was always negative in the end... The partner i had changed the face when they knew they catched my love complete... But I never heard so romantic words from someone else then egpytian guy... Maybe in the beginning of the relationship he made anything to impressed me.... Also his hiding stuff which i found out in the end of the drama relationship...

Love Stories...

Christine 

I met mine in England but we came to Cairo in 1968. We were married for 47 years until his death. Never regretted it and his family were very good with me.

Sally

We met in Uni (AUC). We took a sociology class together (Gender and Inequality I believe). It was hard not to notice him because he was the ONE guy in the class. He had a nice smile. We didn't speak the whole semester. Didn't think he noticed me and figured he would just be one of those college crushes. Then at the beginning of the new semester he reached out to me via Facebook. We started chatting and at the time I told him I was saving up to buy and electric guitar. He offered to lend me his old electric guitar. I accepted and we agreed to meet up right before one of my classes. I went right up to him, said hello, then said "I have a class", took the guitar and left. I was so embarrassed! The next day I caught up with him and apologised for leaving so abruptly and said we should hang out. Everything grew from there.

Bray

I found Omar on Bumble and saw he is from Mexico.

I thought wow! I have never met a half-mexican half-egyptian before! So I swiped right.

To my disappointment he was fully mexican 🤣 and did not speak much English and zero Arabic!

We met anyway using Google translate, sign language, some english and a tad of Spanish. It was quite the challenge for both of us! We couldn't really have any conversation 🤭 a week later we met again for our second and last date.

This was all in March 2020. What happened then? The lockdown!

There were rumours about the airport shutting down and it was time for him to decide to leave instantly or take the risk. As we both wanted to spend more time together, he stayed. Little did he know he would be stuck in Egypt for 4 months.

By July, he caught the first flight back home. A week later I followed. I now live in Mexico❤️.

(This is a picture when we reunited in Mexico.)

Rachel 

Met my husband online trying to learn Arabic. We have been married now 5+ years and I’m almost conversational, lol. Hey, Arabic is a hard language. Marriage and dating is hard no matter who you are/where you live. If you can’t laugh off cultural differences you’re SOL.

Melissa

My story.... So I had this hot much younger guy message me on FB  over 5 years ago. I thought he was a scammer so wouldn't add him on FB and really put him through hell for 3 months but he was persistent. He broke down my walls. To me he was the most beautiful man and said all the sweetest things. So gave it a chance. Well we broke up the day after Christmas in 2015. He had to many girls on his page. We kept coming across each other on fb and my heart still belonged to him. A little over 4 years ago we came across each other on WhatsApp. I messaged him and it started all over again. I knew he was the man for me and he deleted all the women on his FB. I went to Egypt for the first time in November 2016 and married him 4 days later. I returned to America in December, sold everything and moved back with him in February of 2017. I am completely in love with this man and never have felt so loved and cherished in my life. I know I am crazy for moving so fast but hey you only live once and it was the best decision I ever made.

Hoffi

I got to know my husband in 2013. We are happy until now. My husband sayd, we are not only married, we are "ONE". That's right 💝

Joan

I came to Egypt as a tourist. I was met at airport and taken to my hotel. Mohamed and I had an instant feeling of connection. When I went home to NYC we started to correspond and then to telephone. Within 5 months he came to New York and we got married. That was 35 years ago and we are still together and currently living in Egypt.

These are just s few foreigners experiences dating and getting married in Egypt. Part 3 What to Expect when dating an Egyptian, coming soon...

Dating is Taboo...

It's like out of a historical romance novel, dating doesn't really exist here in Egypt. Instead its like courting. Families are always involved. 

According yo my fellow Egyptian friends, "dating itself is a prohibited act according to our culture, which is inherited from our Islamic religion.

The most close thing to dating is the arranged marriage .. which requires family observation.

If the couples are beyond family authority (depends on independence level) then it can take the form of friends recommendations

in that regard there will be (depending on friends wisdom ) some sort of social pressure.

So in general .. Dating is innately wrong .. So it can't be standardized nor being educated.

Moreover .. Those restraints gets weaken with higher income classes and low income classes (without setting percentages) .. The middle class are the ones who practice those restraints to its fullest.

In theory (or religion) .. Engagement is the valid legal cover for dating  ..  However engagement in society is a taxing process that people avoids completely unless they have already decided to marry." - Friend Ahmed

Dating in the western eyes, is restricted or taboo in Egypt, and marriage is the only answer, but really its by far the worst idea.  The high rates of marriages here,  are also  high rates of divorce because Egyptians rush so they may have physical contact with the opposite sex. 

Another friend (female friend), described dating in Egypt as being a nightmare. Parents attend their dates. The parents or chaperones sit at another table, while the couple is  trying to get to know each other. The parents are supervising to keep the interaction with the two under control. This controlled environment keeps from anything happening thats forbidden in the Egyptian culture. 

So of course both parties will be on their best behaviour.  No one is able to relax and  really be themselves. This is why two people in Egypt get engaged so fast because they want to have dates without parents tagging along.

As expats dating in Egypt, is a whole other ball game. Egyptian men think that foreign women will always sleep with them (because of the American movies they watch, gives false expectations).  Many expats (foreigners) say that Egyptian men only want 3 things from a foreign woman: sex, money or a Visa to the foreign land or all 3. And this is just sad way of thinking when dating in Egypt. 

This may be true, but its also up to the foreign woman to decide what she desires or wants in a relationship. The higher expectations in a relationship, the better chances of attracting good people. I have met many expats that are married to good Egyptian men. I am one of them.

I felt like I was being courted like the Jane Ayer era. My Hamid treated me with respect  and kindness.  He was always a gentleman on our dates. Never asked to go to my apartment or tried to kiss me. The only physical contact was holding hands until we were engaged. 

In our western culture,  dating is okay. Dating is our chance to 'get to know' the other person in hope that we are compatible.  It's the time get to know one another throughout all avenues.  Dating allows us to see our compatibility emotionally, physically,  spiritually, and intellectually. It's our choice if we want to explore all these options or hold out on some,  especially the physical part. However, in western culture, we view at being physical is to experiment that we have chemistry with the other. Sex is very important to be compatible because if you are not sexuallycompatible, the relationship will never last or all will be miserable. That's not a real relationship.